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How to speak English on FPSB Difficulty: Beginner
Category: FPSB > Other/Misc	Author(s): Fugitsu Did you create this? Request ownership
Introduction Welcome and thank you for taking the time to read this wonderful, breath-taking tutorial on the highly disputed subject of the mutilation of the English language being done here on FPSB. Here you will learn the alphabet, how to use commas, how to use correct spelling, and, of course, how to use proper grammar. But before I go into the specifics, let's talk about why you should even bother reading this big glomp of grammar, spelling, letters, and words you don't understand. Most people say, "we no n33d t00 sp3k da engrihs in teh interwbez." Well guess what buckaroo, YOU DO. Why? 1. It earns you respect among a community of highly intelligent members. 2. Even if you're a dumbass, people will get a better perception of you by how you speak. 3. It makes it easier for others to read your posts and/or questions. It is also very important that you can read what you wrote, so when people answer to your statement, you know what the fuck they are replying to. The Alphabet The alphabet is the basis of all words within the English language. It provides you with a very convenient and easy way to spell words. The alphabet in order: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z These letters are brought together and connected to make such words as congruent and sympathetic. Proper Usage To show how to speak correctly, I will use a very good example of NOT using proper grammar, spelling, and sentence structure. I will be correcting it for an example. Original Article We had a assembaly to day and we go in the gym because our school can fit in the theater. Well this kid was siting behind me and his friend was infrount of my so he left his stuff behind me. BTW he is a new korenan student dont know if he is a exchange student.well the dumb jocks opened his bag and took out 2 book and a $100+ dolor grapyhing calculater. Thy through 1 book in the ile an then they like destoy the pages of the other book. then i noticesd that it was his stuff and had 1 of the books retored and the only part of the calculater retuned was the cover. (i dont know what happened to it happened to it i was wathicng these 2 chicks fighting in the middle of the gym in musical chair.. IT WAS SWEET THE WHere on top of each other with short skirts.. it was AWSOME!! wheel back to the fight. Well at the eng of the assembaly the got up his friend held him back. then all of a sudden he like shot behind ,me and started beating the crap out of the kidd that brok his calulater and slammed his head in the bleachors and when he was done fighiting the kids he when down a few rows and jumped over the safty rails (he jumped like 15 feet) then he got on my shuttle bs to the other school and he told me that the dumb kids got sespended and the school will pay for the calculater and books. Now, as you can see, it is very poorly written and deserves some proper work. This is what it should look like. Corrected Article So today we had an assembly in the gymnasium, and some crazy stuff happened. So there was this new Korean kid sitting just behind me, right? So he saw some of his friends sitting in front of me so he went to sit with them, leaving his stuff behind. A few minutes later a couple of jocks came over and started rustling through his bag. During this process they took out two books and a highly expensive graphing calculator (worth well over one-hundred dollars, I believe). They then threw one of the priceless books into the isle, while ripping the other’s pages into shreds. I suddenly realized that it was the Korean kid’s stuff that they were vandalizing, and looked into his bag. Just but one book was returned (half destroyed at that) and the cover to the calculator. I had not taken much notice to this for the fact that two girls had been fighting in the middle of the crowd during musical chairs (What the fuck?). It was very tempting considering the fact that they had been all over each other, and to top it off – they were in short skirts. It proved itself a quite pleasing experience. Now, let’s return to the upcoming fight. At the end of the assembly, the Korean kid stood up to face these jocks, yet his friend held him back with all his might. His quickness and ninja skills proved to be too much of a challenge for his comrade, because before you know it he was behind me opening a can of whoop-ass on the jocks. Then, out of sheer anger, took the kid that had demolished his calculator to a nearby bleacher, slamming the kid’s head against it with all the strength he had. After about five minutes of ass kicking, he went down the bleachers about five rows, and proved his ninja skills to me once again. He had jumped over the safety rail that must’ve been at least a tremendous 15 feet high. Later that day, after school, he showed up on my shuttle bus going to another school in the district and sat next to me. He told me that the jocks had been suspended for the grave injustice they had committed, and the school would pay all fees for his calculator and books. The End Notice that I: Removed uninteresting information and added more stimulating phrases and information as to make the article more enjoyable. Moved around the sentence structure for clearer reading. Corrected any mis-spellings Corrected any grammar mistakes. Broke the article into short paragraphs, making for an easier read. Added more substance to run-on sentences and fragments. Punctuation Now that we've seen an example of correct english, let's move deeper into the use of the language, shall we? Commas One widely ignored mistake is that of the use of commas, especially in such places as the internet. Commas are breaks in the sentence shown by this symbol (,). Commas are used to break up ideas and subjects within the body of a sentence -- both lengthening your speech time, and not having to use a period for this purpose. It also can be used in listing nouns *(Example: I had the wonderfully filling dinner of pasta, chicken, steak, ice cream, and cake. You must have an 'and' before your last noun, but the comma before is optional.)* and adjectives (Example: He was thought of as a mild mannered, extraordinary young man. Between adjectives that modify the noun must be a comma to break the ideas apart. While having three adjectives: He was thought of as a mild mannered, extraordinary, and exorbitantly tall young man). Commas can also be used thusly: He could not see the screaming female, yet he could still hear her bone shattering scream above the whistling of the wind. Periods Periods are used to end or close the sentence or idea in context. (Example: Spot ran. Spot Saw another dog. Spot is fucking happy. Spot humps the other dog. The other dog humps Spot. Spot is, yet again, fucking happy.) Apostrophes Apostrophes have two distinct uses. ----------------------------------------------------------- Apostrophes are a prime example as to how lazy we are. They are used to shorten two meanings into one word, while still keeping the same definition. Not and have are the two most widely accepted words for the correct use of an apostrophe. (Example: (Wouldn't, Couldn't, Haven't, Shouldn't, Don't, Won't, Can't) (Would've, Should've, Could've)) These contractions are also widely known as (in their extended form) 'To Be' verbs. ----------------------------------------------------------- Apostrophes also are used to show possessives. If you are trying to make a statement about Sally and her dog, it would show as following: Sally's dog took a leak on my personal belongings. Some more Examples: (Bob's penis is big.) (Katherine's mother says no.) The previous examples I have shown you are using a proper noun (Specific name, place, thing or idea) for the possessor. You may also use apostrophes to show a possessive state for a common noun (Un-capitalized). (Examples: (The dog's bone is wet.) (The table's surroundings are horrid.) (The water's temperature shows for its evaporation amounts.) Thank you for taking the time to read this tutorial. Remember that this tutorial will be under almost constant observation, and I will be adding more sections to what is already provided here. Feel free to PM me with any corrections, additions, or faults you see with this tutorial. -Fugitsu
Added: 2 years ago	Tags: speak, english, fpsb

Feedback (226)

Page of 23 1 2 3 4 ... 21 22 23

	Manicmaster07 . Music is life.Y2M
	Posted 2 months ago
Pfft, not even Tony Jaa can jump 15 feet

	. Fucking hate the thing called my PC.Y2M
	Posted 4 months ago
Improvements: A bit of color?

	. Thats right i just went there!Y2M
	Posted 4 months ago
Lol nice thanks to this tutorial i can now talk regular English instead of l33t English also fire fox helps correct my grammar so that's a good reason.

	. FPSB's Movie GuruY2M
	Posted 4 months ago
Posted by Fedda I doubt this will make the 'gangstas' use the language better but who knows. And you could add something explaining the difference between "a" and "an". Did I not already? Seems not, thanks for bringing that to my attention. And really, most of this was written to be a complete joke, seeing as how at the time almost all the new members did not show any knowledge of proper English what-so-ever. I've had a few people approach me and say that this tutorial has helped them understand English better (Mostly people foreign to the language), but I never really did expect that.
- FPSB's Movie Guru
	Fedda . RegardlessY2M
	Posted 4 months ago
I doubt this will make the 'gangstas' use the language better but who knows. And you could add something explaining the difference between "a" and "an".
- Regardless
	Shinigami35 . Bite me harder ;DY2M
	Posted 4 months ago
Pros: Good work. Cons: None. Improvements: Nada. Notes: Dance.
- Bite me harder ;D
	. Making Ubers for 200 to 1000 pointsY2M
	Posted 5 months ago
Hope he spell checked all of his words. :D

	. ...Y2M
	Posted 5 months ago
Great tutorial! I hope some FPSB members will read this. CoughZube1337Cough

	. FPSB's Movie GuruY2M
	Posted 6 months ago
Posted by icklelight Pros: breaks it down into easy to understand sentances Point out every little problem, because this baby has been sitting on 10/10 for over a year.
- FPSB's Movie Guru
	icklelight . And So Say We All !!Y2M
	Posted 6 months ago
Pros: breaks it down into easy to understand sentances
- And So Say We All !!

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