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Forum > FPSB - FPSBanana > Help > $$| Correct me |$$
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$$| Correct me |$$
Correct my english and earn 5 K points!
Posted 2 months ago, last post 2 months ago by GrandSpammer
.
Known as "members/145323"
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If you're too lazy to write all this, just come up with some ideas.
And if they are good, and I decide to use them, I'll pay you 200 points for each idea.



Aight, so I need some help finishing this newspaper-article. It's a school exersize, and I need YOU to help ME correcting my bad gramma, and change the sentence to be more "advanced".

+

I need 1 1/2 pages in a total, so you can add stuff yourself. Do it most realistic as possible!
It's one and a half page in Microsoft Word with;

Font: Calibri
Font size: 12

+

I need this before thursday, so get this done TODAY!


This is what I've started at:

Bombs and Drugs



Yesterday there were found a huge amount of heroine, 200 pounds, in a yacht outside Boston, Massachusetts. The boat was a white 50-foot ocean sailing yacht that was registered in Bermuda. One of the suspects was caught sleeping in the yacht when the police raided it.

Sometime around 5 PM did the local police retrieve an anonym tips about a stolen yacht that were docked at “Dockside Boston”. A couple of police officers went over to the dock to check it. Sooner they called for backup because of shooting actions at the dock. When the backup was arrived they raided the yacht and found one sleeping person at a table stuffed with heroine. There was also found bombs, and blueprints of The Statue of Liberty, the Eiffel Tower, and Big Ben.

Four people were arrested at the dock. Three of them did surrender peacefully. The last one was shot in the leg at the crime scene because of his try on escape. One of the suspects is a well-known Norwegian politician that used to work as a doctor. The police think he is the head behind the entire heroine, and probably for the bombs too. They are also suspected for planning to bomb previously mentioned buildings.

Everybody claims innocence, so the police expect to make more arrests in the future.
The Norwegian politician claims that the boat owner was a friend of him that had invited him onboard. Further investigation of the Norwegian politician has led the police to the fact that he is a member of a larger terrorist clan called “Doomsday 13“. He was being paid by the other terrorists to steer the police away from the smuggling areas, and keep the terrorists as safe as possible. The clan has already operated in England, Sweden, Poland and France. It’s still unknown where the leader is, but the police are pretty sure it’s in Europe.




This is very important for me.
I got lots of other stuff to do too, so please help me with this one.



Here's what you will get:

A: 5 K
B: 3.5 K
C: 2 K
D: 500
E: Nothing
F: YOU OWE ME 200K!

.
67.223.232.100:27015 tbw iceworld | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
"Sometime around 5 PM did the local police retrieve an anonym tips about a stolen yacht that were docked at “Dockside Boston”. A couple of police officers went over to the dock to check it. Sooner they called for backup because of shooting actions at the dock. When the backup was arrived they raided the yacht and found one sleeping person at a table stuffed with heroine. There was also found bombs, and blueprints of The Statue of Liberty, the Eiffel Tower, and Big Ben."

lots of errors just in here ill do this first part probly still wont be perfect but i never write so meh lol

Sometime around 5 PM did the local police retrieve an anonymous tip about a stolen yacht that was docked at “Dockside Boston”. A couple of police officers went over to the dock to check it. Soon after they called for backup because of shooting actions at the dock. When the backup arrived they raided the yacht and found one person sleeping at a table that was stuffed with heroine. There was also bombs, and blueprints of The Statue of Liberty, the Eiffel Tower, and Big Ben found at the scene.
.
67.223.232.100:27015 tbw iceworld | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
I may do another when i get back from smoking up but i doubt it sorry
.
Known as "members/145323" | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
Aight.
Thanks for trying though.
.
Known as "members/145323" | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
If you're too lazy to write all this, just come up with some ideas.
If they are good, and I decide to use them, I'll pay you 200 points for each idea.
.
67.223.232.100:27015 tbw iceworld | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
Lol ok
Blackjackjulian .
Leaping From Heaven | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
Second Paragraph:
'Four people were arrested at the dock, three of them surrendering peacefully; the last one was shot in the leg at the crime scene due to an attempted escape. One of the suspects is a well-known Norwegian politician that used to work as a doctor. The police suspect he may be the head of the entire heroin operation, and likely he masterminded the bomb operations as well. It has also been alleged that they were planning to bomb the previously mentioned buildings.'
Amidst the mists and fiercest frosts,
With barest wrists and stoutest boasts,
I thrust my fists against the posts,
And still insist I see the ghosts.
Bopper .
Balls and Jaws will be dropped | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
Bombs and Drugs


Yesterday a huge amount of heroine was recovered from George W. Bush, 200 pounds, in a yacht outside the White House of Washington DC. The boat was a white 50-foot ocean sailing yacht that was registered in Blood. Al Gore, one of the suspects, was caught sleeping in the yacht when the police raided it.

Sometime around 5 PM did the local police retrieve an anonymous tip about a stolen yacht that was docked at, "The White House". A couple of police officers went over to the dock to check it out. Sooner they called for backup because of shooting actions at the dock. When the backup was arrived they raided the yacht and found one sleeping person at a table stuffed with heroine. They also found bombs, and blueprints of The Statue of Liberty, the Eiffel Tower, and Big Ben.

Four people were arrested at the dock. Three of them did not surrender peacefully. The last one was shot in the eye at the crime scene because of his try on escape. One of the suspects is a well-known Norwegian politician that used to work as a doctor. The police think he is the head behind the entire heroine, and probably for the bombs too. They are also suspected for planning to bomb previously mentioned buildings.

Everybody claims innocence, so the police expect to make more killings in the future.
The Norwegian politician claims that the boat owner was a friend of him that had invited him on board. Further investigation of the Norwegian politician has led the police to the fact that he is a member of a larger terrorist clan called "Hip-Hop Bunnies." He was being paid by the other terrorists to steer the police away from the smuggling areas, and keep the terrorists as safe as possible. The clan has already operated in Liberty City, San Fierro, Los Santos and Las Venturas. It’s still unknown where the leader is, but the police are pretty sure it’s in Black Mesa.

I spiced it up a little.
.
I saw Iron Maiden! :O | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
Make an article about people who don't make their own homework! >:(
Blackjackjulian .
Leaping From Heaven | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
Third Paragraph: (I'm just journalism-ing it up... I don't really know what else to say.)
'All the suspects have claimed innocence, and so the police expect to make more arrests in the future.
The Norwegian politician claims that the boat owner was a friend of his that had simply invited him onboard, and that he was not involved in any way. Further investigation of the Norwegian politician has led the police to the conclusion that he is a member of a larger international terrorist organization known as “Doomsday 13“. He was being paid by other terrorists to steer the police away from smuggling routes used to fund their bombing operations, and keep the terrorists as safe as possible. The organization's cells have already been found operating in England, Sweden, Poland and France. It’s still unknown where the leader is, but the police state that it is likely that their headquarters are in Europe.'
Amidst the mists and fiercest frosts,
With barest wrists and stoutest boasts,
I thrust my fists against the posts,
And still insist I see the ghosts.
Bopper .
Balls and Jaws will be dropped | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
Posted by BrainZ

Make an article about people who don't make their own homework! >:(

That article would die out after the paragraph about the dog eating it.
.
Known as "members/145323" | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
Posted by Bopper

Bombs and Drugs


Yesterday a huge amount of heroine was recovered from George W. Bush, 200 pounds, in a yacht outside the White House of Washington DC. The boat was a white 50-foot ocean sailing yacht that was registered in Blood. Al Gore, one of the suspects, was caught sleeping in the yacht when the police raided it.

Sometime around 5 PM did the local police retrieve an anonymous tip about a stolen yacht that was docked at, "The White House". A couple of police officers went over to the dock to check it out. Sooner they called for backup because of shooting actions at the dock. When the backup was arrived they raided the yacht and found one sleeping person at a table stuffed with heroine. They also found bombs, and blueprints of The Statue of Liberty, the Eiffel Tower, and Big Ben.

Four people were arrested at the dock. Three of them did not surrender peacefully. The last one was shot in the eye at the crime scene because of his try on escape. One of the suspects is a well-known Norwegian politician that used to work as a doctor. The police think he is the head behind the entire heroine, and probably for the bombs too. They are also suspected for planning to bomb previously mentioned buildings.

Everybody claims innocence, so the police expect to make more killings in the future.
The Norwegian politician claims that the boat owner was a friend of him that had invited him on board. Further investigation of the Norwegian politician has led the police to the fact that he is a member of a larger terrorist clan called "Hip-Hop Bunnies." He was being paid by the other terrorists to steer the police away from the smuggling areas, and keep the terrorists as safe as possible. The clan has already operated in Liberty City, San Fierro, Los Santos and Las Venturas. It’s still unknown where the leader is, but the police are pretty sure it’s in Black Mesa.

I spiced it up a little.

Haha.
Looks like I gotta change a little.
What I allready wrote was required for the text.
But hey, thanks! Try to add some more stuff, and keep it as realistic as possible...

Posted by Blackjackjulian

Third Paragraph: (I'm just journalism-ing it up... I don't really know what else to say.)
'All the suspects have claimed innocence, and so the police expect to make more arrests in the future.
The Norwegian politician claims that the boat owner was a friend of his that had simply invited him onboard, and that he was not involved in any way. Further investigation of the Norwegian politician has led the police to the conclusion that he is a member of a larger international terrorist organization known as “Doomsday 13“. He was being paid by other terrorists to steer the police away from smuggling routes used to fund their bombing operations, and keep the terrorists as safe as possible. The organization's cells have already been found operating in England, Sweden, Poland and France. It’s still unknown where the leader is, but the police state that it is likely that their headquarters are in Europe.'

Thats more like it!
Now fix the rest of the text, and write one page more in Word.
Then you can say "VICTORY IS MINE!"

Posted by BrainZ

Make an article about people who don't make their own homework! >:(


Don't make me come over there and eat you.
.
67.223.232.100:27015 tbw iceworld | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
Posted by Bopper

Bombs and Drugs


Yesterday a huge amount of heroine was recovered from George W. Bush, 200 pounds, in a yacht outside the White House of Washington DC. The boat was a white 50-foot ocean sailing yacht that was registered in Blood. Al Gore, one of the suspects, was caught sleeping in the yacht when the police raided it.

Sometime around 5 PM did the local police retrieve an anonymous tip about a stolen yacht that was docked at, "The White House". A couple of police officers went over to the dock to check it out. Sooner they called for backup because of shooting actions at the dock. When the backup was arrived they raided the yacht and found one sleeping person at a table stuffed with heroine. They also found bombs, and blueprints of The Statue of Liberty, the Eiffel Tower, and Big Ben.

Four people were arrested at the dock. Three of them did not surrender peacefully. The last one was shot in the eye at the crime scene because of his try on escape. One of the suspects is a well-known Norwegian politician that used to work as a doctor. The police think he is the head behind the entire heroine, and probably for the bombs too. They are also suspected for planning to bomb previously mentioned buildings.

Everybody claims innocence, so the police expect to make more killings in the future.
The Norwegian politician claims that the boat owner was a friend of him that had invited him on board. Further investigation of the Norwegian politician has led the police to the fact that he is a member of a larger terrorist clan called "Hip-Hop Bunnies." He was being paid by the other terrorists to steer the police away from the smuggling areas, and keep the terrorists as safe as possible. The clan has already operated in Liberty City, San Fierro, Los Santos and Las Venturas. It’s still unknown where the leader is, but the police are pretty sure it’s in Black Mesa.

I spiced it up a little.



HAHAHAHAHAHA nice

you seem like you do madlibs lol
.
Known as "members/145323" | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
And remember that I need more than what I allready wrote.
Shappier .
THUMB ME UP!!!!!! | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
What if you put something like " They had illegal weapons and the Yacht was also stolen" not that exact sentence like the yacht was stolen and they have illegal weapons.
.
Known as "members/145323" | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
I'm more like looking for ideas I can add upon this.
I need to write 1 more page, and it's not exactly easy.

And I'll see if I can use that shappier.
Blackjackjulian .
Leaping From Heaven | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
I fixed the second one up higher, it got lost in the shuffle.
Journalism-ing the first couple:

'Yesterday police raided a yacht in Boston Harbor, in Boston, Massachusetts, and seized a massive amount of heroin, estimated at 200 pounds. The boat was a white 50-foot ocean sailing yacht that was registered in Bermuda. One of the suspects was arrested at the scene as he was found sleeping in the yacht when the police raided it.

At approximately 5 PM the local police received an anonymous tip about a stolen yacht that was docked in the east side of Boston Harbor. A couple of police officers were dispatched to the dock to investigate. A moment later, the police received an urgent call for backup, as shots had been fired at the scene. Six officers in the area responded, and an ambulance was dispatched. The police quickly boarded the yacht and found one suspect sleeping on a makeshift bed made from bags of heroin. It is suspected that he was left there to keep watch. Also found were homemade plastic explosives, and maps and blueprints of The Statue of Liberty, the Eiffel Tower, and Big Ben that appeared to detail possible detonation locations.'

I really don't know what else to add...
Try making it double spaced.
Amidst the mists and fiercest frosts,
With barest wrists and stoutest boasts,
I thrust my fists against the posts,
And still insist I see the ghosts.
Blackjackjulian .
Leaping From Heaven | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
Here are some suggestions for things to add.

Add a statement from the police officers about the raid
Add a statement from the Secretary of State about terrorism
Add a speech by the President congratulating the officers on their fine work
Terrorist cells moving into america
Possible links to Al-Qaeda (of course)
INTERPOL and their involvement (Wikipedia them, they're great for this kind of stuff)
- 'INTERPOL is seeking possible members of the cell in Norway, while allied police forces comb the Norwegian countryside for a possible headquarters'
Amidst the mists and fiercest frosts,
With barest wrists and stoutest boasts,
I thrust my fists against the posts,
And still insist I see the ghosts.
.
Seizure UPics for everyone! | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
Are you too lazy to do these works yourself :P
I saw your other thread a while ago.
Blackjackjulian .
Leaping From Heaven | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
I'm just extremely bored and good with English.

So I may as well use it.
Amidst the mists and fiercest frosts,
With barest wrists and stoutest boasts,
I thrust my fists against the posts,
And still insist I see the ghosts.
.
Final-Core | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
.
Known as "members/145323" | Y2M
Posted 2 months ago
Aight, thanks Blackjackjulian.
I'll use what you've written, and you will ofcourse get paid for that.
And I'll use some of your ideas.
If I get and A, you will retieve the 5 k ;)
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